When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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