but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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