I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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