If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
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Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
you never un-have a 4some
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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