do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
