honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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