she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
