If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
