i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
