Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
