nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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