Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
