mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize