I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
