i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Terrible idea I love it
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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