Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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