I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
