She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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