he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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