Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
