elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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