he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
