Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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