porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
