Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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