i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
well you can't waste a boner
I wish i was in the wii world.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
