do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
