i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
