to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
