so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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