is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She announced her abortion via fbk
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
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Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
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I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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