Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
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