I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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