i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
