So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
