that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
