I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
