Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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