Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
