if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
