what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize