i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
