i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
