1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
