i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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