google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
