Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
