You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
