In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
