I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
