Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
