@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
