so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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