my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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