hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
