so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
