i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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