You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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