And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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