I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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