I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
