I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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