she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
