So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
