It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
