My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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