But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
