You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
